Tastes Like Hope

From where I sit, this is the view: blue, cloud-speckled skies, a warm breeze and flowers all around me. Yet, it's hard to smile today. I have so much to be thankful for... in the list lies my happiness. "You'll never be on speaking terms with happiness until you learn the language of gratitude" a sign calls to me at home. Truth. So I'll start my list and hope for the smile:) Today I am grateful for many things. 

I'm learning how to fight thoughts that come into my head and are internally destructive. I used to think that any thought is either good or evil. However, I am beginning to learn that the initial thoughts that come into our minds are not good or evil... it's what we do with them that lands us in life-giving or destructive trajectories. As Martin Luther King so adeptly said,  

“You cannot keep birds from flying over your head

but you can keep them from building a nest in your hair”

In order to fight unhealthy thought patterns, I needed a litmus test to figure out where each thought could ultimately send me. God provided these sentences from the Christian Bible to help me discern the origins of my thoughts by helping me see if the thoughts are coming from Satan or from Jesus. If ruminated on, thoughts from Satan (or my own deceitful heart) are lies and always lead to destruction. On the other hand, thoughts from Jesus are true and always eventually lead to life, health, true freedom and peace. 

"The thief (Satan) comes only to steal and kill and destroy. 
I (Jesus) came that they may have life and have it abundantly." 
(John 10:10)

"He (Satan) was a murderer from the beginning, not holding to the truth, for there is no truth in him. When he lies, he speaks his native language, for he is a liar and the father of lies." 
(John 8:44)

“The Spirit of the Lord is on me (Jesus), because he has anointed me to proclaim good news to the poor. He has sent me to proclaim freedom for the prisoners and recovery of sight for the blind, to set the oppressed (& brokenhearted) free, 
to proclaim the year of the Lord’s favor.” 

(Luke 4:18-19)

My thought...	Where is it taking me (destruction / life)?	Truth
If people really knew me, they would not want me. Deep down, something is terribly wrong with me and I will never be able to have healthy emotional attachments with anyone.	Isolation, despair, fear, shame, hopelessness, emotional paralysis & detachment, depression, envy, bitterness… DESTRUCTION	Truth: I don’t have to keep this thought because it is not leading to life and thus is not from God. The world naturally decays but God is the Creator. He is constantly giving us glimpses of his transformative & redeeming work… Out of dirt, flowers grow We humans are made in the image of God… we reflect his character/personality, etc… we enjoy creativity, antibodies fight disease inside us daily, scabs cover & heal wounds wounds “automatically”, etc... Yes, sometimes disease “wins”, but there are countless examples of daily redemption God gives. He is the Master heart healer, so if my thoughts are clouding out that possibility, they are not from Him so I can discard them and ask Him for hope-filled replacements. My heart's cry: "Jesus, please show me that you are growing and healing and shaping me. Please help me not believe the lie that your healing is for others and not me. Please help me be me, not try to be someone else. Amen."
If my dearest friends no longer need me, they will leave me. I will be abandoned and alone.	Fear, isolation, detachment, despair, unhealthy attachments… DESTRUCTION	Truth: Deep down, do I really want people to be super dependent on me or is my deepest desire to simply be wanted? It IS possible for someone to want me and not need me. I’m told that Jesus wants me (even though He definitely does not need me. My heart’s cry: “God please help me believe this and look to you to fill the hole inside of me. I don’t want to. I want to grab for human friendships to meet my needs. Help me realize you are drawing me to Yourself with love. Right now, I’m mad at you. Amen. ”
Jesus came to give me a bunch of rules and judge me.	isolation from God, the Bible, truth, etc... misrepresentation of God's Word and His character... DESTRUCTION	Truth: The very purpose Jesus came was to set people FREE and take our shame on Himself so we wouldn't have to carry it around any more. That's love, not vindictiveness. You would never willingly die for someone you didn't love, would you? Jesus dies to set us free... so that means Jesus must love me and you! Do you believe it? Then freedom from shame & guilt can be yours/ "When you were dead in your sins... God made you alive with Christ. He forgave us ALL our sins, having canceled the charge of our legal indebtedness, which stood against us and condemned us; he has taken it away, nailing it to the cross." (Colossians 2:13-14) Truth: What really is judging and condemning me is ME! I am listening to the commanding officer in my head... its name is Shame. Truth: No one lies to me more than me. No one breaks promises to me more than me. Darn it! I'd rather blame God than take responsibility for what I put in my head. My heart's cry: "Jesus, I have so long followed the mental "commanding officer" of Shame. I thought you were synonymous with him (shame)... that's why I've been so scared of you (Jesus) for so long. Thank you that you are beginning to show me that you and Shame are opposites! Please help me see the Bible through the lens of your grace, love and truth, rather than through the lens of shame. I'm scared you won't deliver, but that's shame talking again. Help. Thanks. Amen."

If a friend is spending time with other people, they're going to replace me. That friend might not want me anymore.

Fear, resentment, envy, attempts to control/manipulate (which result in estrangement / isolation / shame / fear) DESTRUCTION

Truth: I cannot control who a friend hangs out with and worrying about it... a) is based largely on conjecture  ("what if...") b) only harms me (it doesn't help me at all) and prevents me from seeing the new blessings and gifts from God that I can enjoy today. My heart's cry: "God, this worry chokes me so often, please help me rest in the truth that I don't have to hold on to worry. I "know" the ultimate answer is that fact that You won't leave me, even if friends do... please help that be a comfort to me. Please help me see the enjoyment you have planted into each of my Todays. Amen."

Closing Prayer:
Jesus, I'm here. You are the smile giver and the peace bestower. Thank you so much for the insights you've given recently. My feelings haven't caught up yet today but this post contains truth and that's a good start:) Please help someone read this post and gain insight and encouragement along their life's path. Amen.